...and now...for BREASTS

August 17, 2023

...and now...for BREASTS

Let’s just get this out of the way.

I’m a boob guy.

I sincerely appreciate a great ass, too, don’t misunderstand me. Breasts have just always been a ‘thing’ for me and its because of horror. As a youngin’ who saw ‘Salem’s Lot (far too young) I found myself fascinated by the pulse pounding imagery. Watching my first, terrifying, horror movie scared the living daylights out of me and at the same time excited me to no end. This led me to chase the dragon, so to speak, so as I could I would find books that talked about horror movies in my efforts to learn more. There’s no way my mom would let me watch the things as young as I was but my dad, who I got to see rarely, didn’t care; therefore pirated Showtime and HBO in the mid '80's were my horror gateways. Since I rarely saw him I had to also get my fix from library books or flipping through the occasional magazine like Fangoria at the store. The images could make me feel naughtily thrilled, like I was doing something bad that I wasn’t supposed to (and I wasn’t, but that just made it more exciting). Likewise, from a very young age, I had a weird obsession with vampires. That part I can’t explain but it is pertinent to my story. You see, I had found a book talking about vampire films and it was full of pictures. One of the pictures that really stood out to me was this:

It was glorious. The feral glee in her eyes. The cut throat. That HEAVING bosom (yes, I know its a still image but my brain somehow found a way to imagine it heaving). I couldn't express how it made me feel. It amped up the serotonin in my brain to new, unexplored levels. Not only did it have gore with the cut throat but that perfect cleavage was speaking to me in ways I couldn't understand at the time. It left such an indelible impression upon me I've never forgotten it.

From that moment on I was a CBG.

Certified Boob Guy.

It turned out horror movies were where I would get most of my adolescent knowledge of breasts. While I was already fascinated by how horror movies could make me feel exclusively from being frightened, when I saw my first set of breasts in a film (one of the early Friday the 13th movies: see below) my puberty was immediately jump started.

That officially cemented my lifelong love of blood, breasts, and beasts.

Horror has long used breasts to help drive home its themes. They can simultaneously convey an arousing of one's sense, heightening of imagination, and displaying of vulnerability. Each instance of these reinforce how affected we can feel while watching a horror movie. They're so effective at it that Joe Bob Briggs actually counts the breasts in the movies he shows just so you know how much titillating excitement you can expect and deducts a half-star for any that lack them. They're THAT big of a deal to us Mutants.

While horror has been vilified for objectifying women (and lets be frank, it does happen) it has also championed them the same way the #FreeTheNipple campaign does. It lets them embrace a strength and power in their bodies on full display. Using exploitation to generate early sales of the genre has gone hand in hand with helping the public embrace the female form in a positive fashion. We've learned much about ourselves as a society, in part, because of breasts in horror movies.

There have already been dozens, if not hundreds of articles written on the subject so if you'd like to you can find some scholarly expositions to learn more and I would encourage that. As I've said before though I am endeavoring to keep these posts short and entertaining.

In that spirit I'll leave you with a smattering of some of #MutantFam's favorite horror breasts, that I had asked for their opinions on Twitter. Being a CBG, and like many of you, I love all breasts of any shape, size or color and I have to say they picked some, *ahem*, real bangers.

Enjoy.